How can I find a trustworthy provider? 

It starts with research.  Talk to as many people as you can for recommendations.  Ask specific questions about how they practice and what people did/did not like about them.  Search online.  Go to/call the hospital/birth center and see if you can get L&D nurses to talk with you (this may have to be “off the record”).  In some cases (and in some cases not), women have found it worthwhile to travel to another location for a provider of their choosing or even pay out of pocket for someone not covered by their insurance.  Above all, carefully assess the information you receive and follow both your mind and heart.  Remember that everyone has different needs and preferences.  Just because your friend loved a certain OB or midwife, doesn’t mean that she is necessarily the right one for you.    

That “right” provider will have different characteristics depending on YOU, but in general, I recommend someone who has a certain amount of humility and flexibility.  Both ends of the spectrum (medical and natural) can sometimes have an arrogance that THEY know what is best for YOU.  The best care is the care that truly is individualized to your needs.  As you become more clear on your values, it will be easier to determine who will be the best match for you.  If, during the course of your pregnancy, you discover that you have low compatibility with your provider, it might be worth the trouble of changing.  I have talked with many women who have said that a mid-pregnancy switch was the best decision they made. 

I found my favorite of the options available to me.  Am I done?

Sorry, but no way   Now it’s time to develop that relationship.  If you don’t want to be just a number, you need to provide your midwife or doctor the opportunity to tune into your individual needs.  This cannot happen if every appointment ends with: “Do you have any questions?” “No.  Thank you.”.  Would it be nicer if they could read your mind or have infinite time to meet with you?  Sure.  But that’s not the universe we live in.  This universe DOES have wonderful opportunities that women sometimes miss because we aren’t prepared for them.  I encourage women to write down their pregnancy and birth questions and come prepared to ask some at every appointment.  These can be as simple as, “I am having this symptom, what could it mean?”, “What is your typical protocol for monitoring during labor?”, “Are you comfortable with delayed cord clamping when the baby is born?”  Even better is to ask for suggestions on how to achieve your goals during labor (and what you need to know about/can expect from your birthplace).  Never assume that you understand how your provider practices or would handle a certain situation; find out!  Also, don’t take for granted that you define terms like “natural birth” or “midwife” (ie CNM, CPM, lay/unlicenced) the same way. 

One of my clients (a first time mom) asked her OB for his suggestions on how she would most likely be able to achieve a natural birth.  Among other suggestions, he gave her the idea to write “no residents” on her birth plan, which she did.  When she went to the birth center in the middle of the night, an OB resident was on call and my client decided she felt fine being checked by her.  A nurse called the doctor at 3:00am to update him that she had been admitted and checked by the resident.  He replied, “Oh no, she didn’t want that.  Check her birth plan.”  At this point, my client and her husband fell deeply in love with the doctor who remembered exactly who they were and what they wanted when his phone rang at 3:00am.  My observation was that while I’m sure he is a great doctor, she deserved some credit for being a great patient.  Do you think he would have remembered what the mom who said, “No I don’t have any questions” wanted?  Did he EVER even know?  If you are an excellent communicator and work at developing this important relationship, you will bring out the best in your provider.  

This may all sound like a lot of work, but it is truly an investment that can pay huge dividends in the form of peace and confidence during both the pregnancy and birth.